Published October 27, 2005
Shadow searching
in a cathedral
while vocalising
to the choir's tune
angel's shattered tears
are on the dripping window
fantastic fantasies flipping over each other
while spitting diamonds up
into the dust
shadow searching in the flamelight
while I sob to each thundercrack
SAVE ME from my nightmare, please
Oppressed in all my memories
I shadow search for a reason
a note of truth
to hold me here
...I'm sorry, but I've joined the choir...
But hearing them sing
and counting angel's tear shards
led me to believe that maybe temptation is meant to be led to
holdign hands
with God -
I've found my shadow
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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
^Ditto!
It was a very good poem...and I can't say much after what niteowl said, so good job!!!
Overall, I thought this was beautiful. Just have a few little nitpicks: SAVE ME shouldn't be in all caps IMO, the ellipses before and after the first line of the fourth stanza didn't make a whole lot of sense to me (maybe I'm just stupid and don't get it?), the last line of that stanza is a bit lengthy (I would break it after maybe) and the first word of the last line should be "holding".
As for positives, I thought the first stanza was awesome. Keep it up!